Overcoming the Confines of Shame

Almost everyone experiences some form of shame, yet it can be so ingrained in us that we may not realize that we are part of the afflicted. It starts with those subtle insecurities such as: not smart, too fat, not attractive, too old, not worthy.

Brené Brown has done extensive research on vulnerability and she defines shame as feeling, “emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty.”

While we all get nervous at various times, what’s dangerous is when these sensations become so overwhelming that they make us hesitant to interact with the outer world.

Unknowingly, this two-fold convergence of our own dungeon of self-doubt and a suspicious anticipation for how we will be perceived by others, can urge us to create a fortress of refuge to hide within. And we can become inclined to barricade ourselves into isolation to avoid dealing with this invisible fence of anxiety that our deepest insecurities will be lit up for everyone to witness.

Imagine how different animals would be if they could comprehend shame? Those cute cats and darling dogs pull at our hearts and give us a hearty laugh when they vibrantly unleash their freak flags for us to watch in jest…and we think it’s delightfully lovable.

"The single most effective antidote to shame, some studies suggest, is a person's laughter at himself - an observation made by Freud."

Dealing with our baggage of what we’re vexed by could be deemed as one of our biggest obstacles in facing our humanity. Maybe we should follow our furry friends’ lead and learn to shake it off?

If we really sit with it, this place of fear is nothing more than a fictional prediction that’s controlling us and is causing us to live with a hideout mentality. We’re creating our own terror, agonizing over something that we have the power to cure.

By examining where these opinions originated from, we can free ourselves from this silent, self-inflicted torture. Was it playground antics, an abusive parent, or a toxic significant other? Or could these have been conclusions that we made while comparing ourselves to others?

The longer these thoughts swirl around and the more credibility that we give them, keeps us away from discovering and associating with new people and situations that might bring us the deep fulfillment that we are seeking.

Reframing our insecurities to be valuable parts of what makes us the unique individuals that we are changes the narrative from something that is dark and heavy, to one that lightens us up from the inside out.

As much as food and water sustain our physical body, our souls need nourishment too. Feeling a profound sense of authentic connection is a crucial piece to fulfilling our purpose of being here. And we’re only going to get that if we get out there with our self-consciousness in tow.

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