Airing the Errs #4 - Reassessing the Signs of Shame
A series on shame- Part II
While some of us physically hide when we’re in shame, others might be in denial or they’re unaware of what they’re really plagued by.
The most common signals of someone acting out in shame are1:
Anger
Low or no self-esteem
Substance abuse
Depression
Some lesser known signs are2:
Perfectionism
Self-destructive behaviors
Eating disorders
People pleasers
Codependency
Because shame demolishes our sense of worth we settle for the wrong relationships, allow people to treat us poorly, and make overall unhealthy choices; from basic daily lifestyle routines, to ignoring self-care, and even staying in a cruel profession.
Maybe we can see some of these in ourselves but what about our friends and family, even our coworkers or an acquaintance?
We may accidentally be judging others in assuming they are consciously making these choices, but they could actually be unconsciously struggling with shame and fear.
Is the “Perfectionist” hypercritical of everyone else operating at their standards or are they fearful that if they’re not up to society’s ideal expectations that they’ll never be accepted?
For someone who’s in a toxic relationship, do they really enjoy being in that environment or are they scared that they will never find a companion ever again?
What about that person who constantly procrastinates yet they are impulsive when it comes to sexual promiscuity? Is it really that they’re egotistical or is it that their ego really needs a boost?
By reframing our thoughts we might be able to encourage some soothing compassion rather than a damning scolding.
Sometimes we don’t have to help people solve their problems. Instead we can offer a little patience and kindness. This little gesture could be an improvement for them…and us!
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Thank you for the post. I never really thought about shame and how it can affects our lives. Excellent