Why Do We Struggle With Self-Love?
Let’s be honest, self-love sounds a little narcissistic or maybe kinda New Agey to those of us of a certain age. When we were children, not only did we have to tolerate bullying, spanking was an acceptable practice, and spirituality was for weirdo hippies.
Physically, emotionally, and metaphysically we just gritted our teeth and would internalize a multi-layered smackdown from wherever it came from. In fact, up until 1998 suicide was consistently one of the top 10 causes of death among adolescents and older adults.
Without the proper knowledge or resources to counter, or heal, the harsh social norms that we lived in, a subconscious inner critic probably established itself as a voice of authority. Maybe we think they’re helpful by keeping us accountable to staying humble and judicious; but are they?
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is an overarching concept that combines the corporeal practice of self-care with self-esteem management. When in balance with a healthy dose of awareness, it means we accept our strengths and weaknesses, stand strong in knowing our value, and understand how to nourish ourselves when we’re depleted.
While there may be bouts of being angry or disappointed in ourselves, it stays brief and doesn’t linger into loathing. Similar to our relationships with our dearest friends and family, they may annoy or piss us off at certain times but there’s an acquittal and then we get back to being pals.
Unlike narcissism, we’re not completely self-absorbed with a sense of entitlement that we’re better than everyone and everything.
Why We Need This Ability
It’s been proven that the way we think about ourselves can be so deeply embedded in our neural pathways that it’s similar to riding a bike1. At some point in time we developed this competency and now it’s second nature.
In our generational culture, I’m pretty sure almost everyone knows how to ride a bike since we had limited choices for fun when we were growing up. Perhaps it’s time to assess what gear our mindset is in and shift into making it easier on ourselves.
When that inner critic is too harsh and is constantly nagging us with reminders and homework for how to be better; there’s a perpetual, sensitive, rawness where we’re ruled by fear and insecurity. This can keep us from trying new things, engaging with strangers, or having a sense of adventure.
We need a sufficient reservoir of positivity in order to maintain healthy, mental well-being. Developing the awareness to have equal parts of confidence and goals for growth, helps us to be curious instead of scared. It allows us to laugh at ourselves.
By being open to undoing decades of cycling along a cognitive trail that sends us in the direction of antagonizing adversity towards ourselves, instead we can consciously choose to remap a route that is a more harmonious destination…
** Drop a ❤️ if you struggle with practicing self-love too…**
“Understanding Self-Esteem and the Brain” by Jada Jackson
Great little essay!